How Does Therapy Help with Relationships?

What shapes who we are and brings meaning and purpose to our lives if not our relationships?  Many times the way we relate to other adults has roots in the way we were treated as children.  Our personalities and experience in life also shapes how we interact in relationships.  Do we trust others?  Do we feel love worthy?  Are we too needy of reassurance or hyper independent?

Significant experiences in different stages of life can have a huge impact on how we function in future relationships.  Trauma can make it hard to feel seen, heard and supported in a relationship or to ask for what we need. Sometimes what we need is too complex and difficult or even triggering for a partner and therapy is needed either individually, in couples' counselling or both.

What is relationship wellbeing​?  While there are some evidence based factors that help contribute to a healthy relationship, each person has to determine for themselves how satisfied they are.  What is the meaning of the relationship you are in? What is its purpose?  Does it nurture and nourish those who are committed to enhancing it?  Are those who are committed to one another committed to nurturing the relationship in an equal manner?  Or do you have to alter who you are and hide your feelings and needs to be accepted?  Does your need to feel secure make you act in ways that interfere with your needs or your partners' comfort? Are there relationships in your life that you want to change or let go of, or struggle to hold on to?  Therapy can help you and/or the other person work through those questions and function in ways that feel more helpful or meaningful and to change unhelpful pattern of thinking or reacting.  Therapy can also help you understand why or how you may attract a type of person that does not enhance your wellbeing. 

Wherever you are at with significant people in your life, therapy can help you hear and speak to one another through a new lens or make choices for yourself that are more in line with your own wellbeing. Our approach draws from attachment theory, emotional focused therapy and other neurobiology informed methods. Some of us have special training in Attachment related issues and a few of us are specially trained to work with couples and families.

Shirley is the Clinic Director and has training and experience working with relationships from her Doctoral program at UBC and experience working in the past as a Psychologist for the Ministry of Children and Families in BC.  She consults, supervises and mentors therapists who want to work in the area of relationships as many Masters' level therapists do not have formal training in working with couples and families.  Several of the associates in this practice trained under her and we are happy to provide potential clients with information about their training and background to help determine fit and suitability.  Most counsellors and therapists abide by ethical codes that include something called "Limits to Competency" in that they will not take on client issues that they do not have the training to support. Unfortunately some will accept clients they have not the background to help effectively.  Please ask questions about training and experience before making a decision.  You do not invest money and energy in therapy to be discouraged.

Shirley Katz, PhD., RP, our Clinic Director wrote a few articles for Marriage.com. Note that there are internal links to courses that were not part of the original articles and that the external site may include those without the author's permission.

Feel free to read: https://www.marriage.com/experts/shirley-katz

If you want to be matched with a clinician who works with couples or family members together, please contact us by email through this link.